Break Up With Me

Everyone hates the trials of a toxic relationship, however it seems the one thing we hate more is ending one. As the old saying goes “it takes two to tango”, so why is it that we stay in these on-again-off-again, infidelity filled, emotional black holes? Is it because of a woman’s basic need for companionship? Maybe, men don’t want to see the woman they love in pain? My opinion, men are cowards. Yes, I said it. Before #FaithfulBlackMenTwitter begins to attack me, let me explain how. 

One can define the word coward as an individual who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. Often times, ending a relationship no matter how long it lasted can be, in fact, dangerous and certainly unpleasant. Whether you fear your car being keyed, gaming systems broken or personal tea spilled, side stepping the land mind filled post-breakup battlefield can be scary. However, I’m here to give advice on how and when to make your girlfriend the luckiest girl in the world, by breaking up with her. 

After hearing countless stories and several personal encounters I would consider myself an expert on relationship cowards. I like to think of men contributing toxic waste to their already toxic relationships without the ability to end it as Michael Scott, lead character from the hit show The Office. He was a man who should have been fired numerous times, but struggled with firing any of his employees.

So, if you still haven’t identified yourself or someone you know as a 'Michael Scott' yet, let me help you out. If you find yourself constantly cheating on me or entertaining other women (yes, sending a DM or heart eye emoji to other women you're attracted to counts) break up with me. There is a difference between a wondering eye and wandering feet. Exchanging numbers, taking other women on dates and attempting to get to know other women while still involved in a seemingly committed relationship is a form of cheating. So if you’re going to behave like a single man, why not just be one? Spare me from the embarrassment of finding out publicly #WomanToWoman, or the technological spy work of hacking your accounts and checking your phone. Why let me be the last to know that you don’t care to be monogamous or the that you feel as though you're unfulfilled in our relationship, when you can simply make us both happier in the long run by breaking up with me? Now for the men thinking to themselves “glad this isn't me, I’ve been faithful to my girl since the beginning and I’ve broken up with her PLENTY of times”, don't change the dial sir because this one is for you! If you broke up with me because you knew things weren't going well, you were unhappy, or worse you knew you lacked the emotional availability to be in a relationship, only to turn around and beg me to come back then break up with me again, you sir are what I like to call an ‘Indian Giver’. Why give me the gift of freedom from a toxic relationship only to manipulate me into taking it back in an even worse condition? If you’re going to break up with me for those perfect reasons keep it that way!

Now, I can admit breaking up with someone is far from simple or easy and sometimes it can hurt you just as much as the other person, but slowly chipping away at you and your partner's emotional and mental well-being hurts much more and for a lot longer. So you have to make the hard, yet best decision for us both. break up with me.

For the men who ignore the two paragraph text messages only to respond to the final sentence:

  • If you're cheating on me, break up with me.
  • If you're unhappy in our relationship, break up with me.
  • If you lack the emotional availability to contribute, break up with me.
  • if you KNOW you don't want to be in a relationship, break up with me.